Panties
by SironaFlett .o.x.o
Summary: House is bored and Thirteen is fed up. So she drops a pair of Cuddy's Panties on his desk. Chaos ensues as people begin to steal everyone elses underwear. Rated T for later content
1. Chapter 1

Thirteen dropped a pair of pink frilly panties onto House's desk. Taub curbed his neck so that he could see past Foreman.

House stared at them wide eyed.

"Are those yours?" He asked.

Thirteen shook her head. Kutner grinned stupidly.

"So they are..?"  
"Dr Lisa Cuddy's Panties." Thirteen said.

House looked up at her.

"How did you..?"

"Ah, secret to my success as a doctor, I stole them when they were lying on my bedroom floor." She smirked.

House looked up at her. "Will you marry me?" He asked.

"House, be serious," Foreman snapped. "This is a hospital, not a brothel."

"Whoever said it was?" House asked. "And I'll have you know, that I am being serious." He turned back to her. "What do you say? I mean it's not a proper proposal, but I can get the ring later."

Thirteen smiled. "I kinda like being single."

"Then will you marry me?" Kutner asked. "I like being on my own a lot," He explained. "So going out with me would be kind of like you're single."

Thirteen shook her head. "Sorry, no."

"How…" House straightened up, trying to get over the initial shock. Although having someone's knickers on your desk during a Monday morning would pick anyone's day up, there still is some burning issues that need to be answered.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Thirteen turned on her heel and marched out.

Foreman, Taub and Kutner all turned back to House.

He licked his lips. "I hereby decree that we are playing the game Panties in which everyone has to steal someone else's underwear."  
Foreman looked at House.

"Are you serious?" He asked.

"Always serious," House replied, taking some vicodin. "Go get me underwear."

"And what are you going to do?" Foreman asked.

"I am going to be the wonderful unbiased judge. The more panties you get the better procedures you get." House grinned. "Go forth and do my bidding!"

Foreman rolled his eyes and left.


	2. Chapter 2

James Wilson was taking a shower. Now there was nothing peculiar about that. Especially after a cancer kid deciding it was more fun to throw his dinner rather than eat it.

After his shower he reached for his underwear, blinded by the soap in his eyes. He felt around furiously for it. Sighing he wiped his face and looked around.

Everything but his shirt, tie and lab coat was gone.

He wrapped a towel around his waist and began searching the whole of the locker room. When it turned out to be a waste of time, Wilson went searching for Scrubs.

Which weren't there either.

Someone had stolen every pair of pants in the entire locker room.

Wilson's face had filled up with unprecedented anger.

"I'm going to kill him." He muttered angrily.

…

Kutner dropped a pair of brown suit pants and colorful underwear onto House's desk. Along with thirty pairs of scrub bottoms.

House looked up at Kutner.

"I don't think you've quite got the idea of this game." He said. "I did say underwear, not actual pants."

"I know, but just how funny would it be if we say Wilson running around with neither on." Kutner grinned.

House's eyes widened. His face turned into a crooked grin. He stood up and limped into the larger office where Thirteen Foreman and Taub were sitting.

"Thirteen, I withdraw my proposal," He said. "I'm now marrying this guy," He thumbed Kutner.

Kutner looked worried.

"Really?" He asked.

House turned to look at him. "No, I'm just so…" He bit his knuckle. "I'm just so happy…"

His face started to twitch as if he was going to smile.

The phone began to ring. House could tell by the way it was ringing angrily that it was Wilson. He picked it up.

"Don't worry, Honey, I'll be home with the Chinese takeaway soon!" He said.

"_How the hell did you know it was me???" Came an angry voice._

"The way you call matches the way the telephone rings," House replied. "That and the fact I can see you pacing in your locked office."

House saw Wilson turn, then quickly button up his lab coat in order not to expose himself_. _

"_Get me a pair of pants now!" He hissed. _

"What makes you think I have them?" House asked innocently.

"_House, you tried pulling the same stunt three years ago. Get me my pants and underwear or at least scrubs NOW!" Wilson shouted._

"Can't get you scrubs," House said. "Cuddy's doing Inventory, as well as Thirteen."

"_What?" Wilson asked._

"Gotta go," House put down the phone. "I'm going to go see your girlfriend. Everyone, new objective, if you can, steal the other person's pants as well as their panties."

With that he limped away.


	3. Chapter 3

House was in the clinic.

He inclined his head, focusing on her rear. The nurse whispered something to Cuddy and she turned around, putting her hands on her hips.

"What is it House?" She asked.

House shrugged. "Nothing…" He said. "I'm just admiring the view."

"What do you want House?" She repeated.

"Nothing, really…" House replied. "You haven't seen Thirteen by any chance?"

Cuddy went red. "No," She said quickly.

"You sure?" House said. "I heard that she was spending some extra time with you." He stood up and towered over her. "Next time, make a music video for it."

Cuddy blushed even harder and turned away. House watched her ass bounce nicely. He smiled soundly and left.

…

Foreman and Taub were sitting in the office. Taub was reading a newspaper and Foreman was eating a bagel.

Taub put down the newspaper. "Are we not-"

"No," Foreman replied. "I am not playing House's stupid games. I don't care much for the interesting procedures anyway."

Taub nodded. "It's just…" He looked over at Foreman. "House has evasive pre-frontal cortex stimulation for a patient this afternoon."

Foreman looked up. "Seriously? You're not a neurologist, why would you want to do that?"

Taub replied. "I just thought… You might be interested."

Foreman glared at Taub. "Are you saying you want to _give me_ your underwear?" He asked.

Taub looked embarrassed. "No… I just thought…"

"Like I said, I'm not playing House's games." Foreman said. He paused and looked at the former plastic surgeon. "How risky we talking here?"

"Patient has high blood pressure." Taub shrugged.

Foreman sighed. "Fine," He said.

"But I want something in return," Taub said.

"My underwear?" Foreman asked.

Taub went red again. "Yes please."

Foreman leaned back on the chair. He pouted a moment, and then stood up. "Give me five minutes."

With that he left. Taub made sure the coast was clear, before yanking down his pants and ripping off his rather peculiar pair of boxer shorts. He pulled up his pants and sat back down.

Foreman returned a second later. He stared at the boxers on the desk, sighing, he pulled out a pair of silk panties from his pocket.

Taub looked at them. "Are those yours?" He asked.

Foreman shook his head. "An idea that Remmie and I had. I wear her underwear… She wears mine."

Taub nodded. "Kinky. Who is Remmie?"

"Thirteen," Foreman replied.

"Should we go find House?" Taub asked.

"Not together," Foreman said. "At least not for a while," He smirked at Taub. "I mean… We could do other things…"

Taub's eyes widened. "Like-"

Foreman nodded.

The former plastic surgeon gulped and nodded. Why not?


	4. Chapter 4

Taub straightened up and wiped his mouth as he left the janitor's closet. Foreman followed after him but bumped into House.

"What were you up to?" He asked brightly.

Foreman blinked. "Looking for something," He said as innocently as possible.

House raised a suspicious eyebrow. He twisted his head around Foreman. "In the janitor's closet?" He asked. "You were looking for bleach?"

Foreman's left eye suddenly developed a nervous twitch. "Yes, we think… our patient… is allergic… to bleach…"

"Bleach probably would dissolve the IV tubing," House said. "I suppose that's an experiment that you've come up with."

"Yes. It. Is." Foreman replied, his eyes as wide as saucers. He scampered off.

House looked after him, noticing that Foreman's fly was still undone. He smiled and limped away.

...

Kutner looked happily at the video camera. He was pleased with himself at what he had caught going on between Cuddy, Cameron and Thirteen. He wondered how much House would pay for it before he posted it on Youtube. As he was walking, he accidently bumped into someone.

"Sorry," He said, not looking up.

"Kutner," Wilson asked.

Kutner's head shot up. His eyes widened as Wilson tried to straighten his scrub pants.

"Hey, um... Wilson," Kutner grinned stupidly.

Wilson gave a slight frown. Kutner looked around nervously.

"What's wrong?" The Oncologist asked.

"Nothing." Kutner in a desperate moment of panic, threw the camecorder at Wilson and ran off.

Wilson's frown deepened. He looked at the video that was playing. His eyes lit up. "Oh wow," He said. He turned back to his office, hobbling away trying to conceal the boner that had appeared out of nowhere.

**Very short chapter, but nevertheless, makes you think. **


End file.
